No More Pedestals, for I am Muddled.

Surely the mountains are too large and too daunting.
Initiative was never a strength, passing them officially seems impossible.
If you were going to try, I feel as if you would have already tried.
I try to reconcile in my mind the possibility or lack of possibility, but my attempt for some sort of mental control drives me more crazy than if I just let it be unknown.
Just when anger, disappointment, and reality formed into the ability to give up, I was pushed back into a downward spiral of hope.
.....Right after I tried to be someone that I surely was not......
The sad thing is, if this hope is ushered forward, I probably will be unsure and critical.
There is too much.... it is too hard... and it is not worth it for you...
perhaps that is the esteem talking there, but really...

I am just going to think about something else.