Post-It Note Reminder to the Unforseen Future

I am in the process of re-reading a book that was a text for my Psychology of Religion class. (Super interesting class, by the way...) It is called "To Have or To Be" and is written by Eric Fromm, a prominent sociologist and psychoanalyst in the 1900's. The book is more or less a manifesto against a sick society that constantly consumes or "has" rather than simply experiencing or "being." It branches into many different aspects of life, comparing a "having mode" to a "being mode."

It is by far one of the best books I have ever read, and I recommend it to anyone.

This being said, I read an excerpt today that I want to remember. Now, I am not married. I am not even in a relationship. But I hope that someday I am fortunate enough to meet someone who wants to be my partner throughout life, somebody who wants to experience adventures with me. I also want to make that relationship something special, something protected.. I want to beat the odds. (I can't help it. I'm an idealist.)

"During courtship neither person is yet sure of the other, but each tries to win the other. Both are alive, attractive, interesting, even beautiful- inasmuch as aliveness always makes a face beautiful. Neither yet has the other; hence each one's energy is directed to being, i.e. to giving and stimulating the other. With the act of marriage the situation frequently changes fundamentally. The marriage contract gives each partner the exclusive possession of the others body, feelings, and care. Nobody has to be won over any more, because love has become something one has, a property. The two cease to make the effort to be lovable and to produce love, hence they become boring, and hence their beauty disappears. They are disappointed and puzzled. Are they not the same persons anymore? Did they make a mistake in the first place? Each usually seeks the cause of the change in the other and feels defrauded. What they do not see is that they no longer are the same people they were when they were in love with each other; that the error that one can have love has led them to cease loving. now, instead of loving each other, they settle for owning together what they have: money, social standing, a home, children. Thus, in some cases, the marriage initiated on the basis of love becomes transformed into a friendly ownership, a corporation in which the two egotism are pooled into one; that of the "family."

I like this. I want to remember this as I begin a relationship. And if (when) I begin a relationship that actually continues, I want to continue to practice it. It's probably not going to be an end all solution to all road bumps that come with relationships, but I would venture to say that it might make my relationships something beautiful.

Or maybe I'm just an idealist. :)

Roller Coaster

I thought I knew what I wanted.

No, scratch that. I thought I knew what I needed. I thought I knew what it would look like as well. So, when it came along, I was so excited. The kind of excitement that keeps you up all night, simply because you feel like it might be too good to be true. I had the stupidest grin on my face for days; I was invincible. Nothing could, or would, touch me. I had no control; life was just flowing, plummeting forward, taking me a long for a joyride.

So when it was gone, I was devastated. I had been caught on that high, and honestly, I didn't think that it was going to go away so quickly. It definitely shook me for a few days... and I realized that I was officially emotionally mature when I could still function in my work and relationships even though I was sad.

Now the emotion has moved to a small corner of my stomach. It sits there and burns a little.. but mostly, only when I think about it all. What surprises me the most is that my idea of what I want/need/whatever has changed with this. I have so much more hope than I did before, and dare I say, more patience. (I don't want to wait, but I'm much more willing). Instead of being pushed back, I feel that I am still being propelled forward, into the future, into bigger and better things. I'm interacting with the idea of making a home and community for myself in my very hometown. I'm slightly more positive that I might be an attractive, interesting individual that people want to be around.

I didn't think that rejection (I don't like that word; it doesn't feel like it applies... It's so harsh... But I can't think of a better word right now.... I digress...)

I didn't think that rejection was supposed to work like this. Every time before, I regress into poor habits and negative thinking that counseling was supposed to eradicate from my life. But this time, that isn't happening. Maybe I'm stronger. Or maybe, like my friend Danny was quick to point out, this was supposed to happen for a reason, for me. There has been so much change within me in such a short period of time.

I find it all very interesting.. and I am very excited to see what the future holds.