It is a slow process to pull my head out of the sand... it is incredibly difficult to peel myself away from this ivory tower and to be exposed to dirty truth. I don't know what it is... I don't know what I need to learn... I stuck my toe out long enough- I peeked- and I saw enough to know that going back would be a sin of omission.
And now, I feel like everything I touch must have hidden bloodstains on it. I know there is injustice. I know there is pain. I know there is drastic need for change. Yet to me, it is vague. I am safe from it in my little suburban, middle class bubble. It's like an underlying, pulsing energy of death that flows under a facade of comfort.
Yet anytime I try to learn, anytime I try to understand, I am so overwhelmed with shame, guilt, misunderstanding, and lack of direction that I am immobilized. there is so much.... there is too much.... there is blood on my hands, blood in my mouth, blood on my body, all over my home!
I didn't know, Lord! I don't understand! Part of me still does not want to pull my head fully out of the sand... but I have already peeked.... and I don't think I'm allowed to go back. Oh Jesus! I am so ashamed! I am so confused! I do not understand!
Open my eyes to see the pain; do not let these blessings you've poured out on me to be used in vain
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Could you transcribe my thoughts for me? I seem to have been trying to figure out how to say this exact thing for so long, and it flows so nicely here. Keep writing Kelle, you have a great eloquence with letters and words...
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