Turning Point

I think I would choose intense pain over this vapid lack of emotion.

No, I lie. I suppose stress and worry have their respective places in my life, but even THAT feels dulled. The only confidence of feeling is a numb fear that emotion will never rise again.

One thing at a time... a constant refrain. But what happen when everytime there is something, another one thing.... and the cool breeze that flirts with sun-warmed skin is unnoticed, the glory of the sunset is forgotten, the wonder of breath is dismissed?

I am held captive by my own choices and sheduling. I have learned that full schedules are not a part of a life worth living. If life happens when we breathe, I've been holding my breath. Freedom, freedom, freedom.. my soul cries but it has no words. Weighed heavy by the numbness that has consumed it.

But only takes a moment to breath again. I can feel you rising; I think I can feel you moving. Life explodes around me again in the faces of those who have been there every day... I just haven't seen; I just haven't heard. I don't want to lose this......

Excuses

Too much schooling sucks out all emotional creativity. I feel, but can't feel long enough to write.


It's not like anyone really reads this anyway.


One more month.